Seriously?!?!

The battle rages on...

Me against this hideous "fat suit" that unfortunately was built without a zipper.

I call it a fat suit because it is not "Me" - not the me I want to be anyway. So I feel like I'm trapped inside this "thing" that I can't seem to shake. It's claustrophobic & depressing.

Last week was a real beat down.

Score 1 for the fat suit.

Last Friday at weigh in. No loss at all. EXACTLY the same as the week before. It is almost an out of body experience for me when I stare so incredulously at the stupid little mocking numbers on the scale.

I wish I was a person who enjoyed exercising. Endorphins & all that.

I am not.

Daily exercise like I have been attempting in recent weeks is a constant battle for me. I don't look forward to it. Don't enjoy it & want to quit the entire time I'm doing it. I don't like being sweaty. Don't like being sore. So when I spend a week with so much of my PRECIOUS spare time engaging in an activity I... well pretty much loathe... I'm sorry, but there must be results.

After that much effort & little or no results? Let's just say freak out - doesn't even come CLOSE to cutting it. The mental tailspin is enough to make me want to crawl in bed & stay there.

I enjoy stretching. I like the flexibility I feel returning. I sometimes think the best form of exercise for me would be yoga, or some form of dancing... belly dancing really appeals to me.

Now enters the catch 22 - I'm too fat for yoga (at least in any official "class" format) & belly dancing?? There's a little too much "jiggle in the jello" for that! LOL

But they are both things I want to do when I get to a more feasible weight class. (may do the video & Wii Fit thing in the meantime)

The plot thickens...
this week was Graham's birthday week... due to scheduling & just the fact that he is my favorite person EVER, there was much celebration. We went out for dinner twice on the weekend. I generally am staying on course with my eating, except for those occasions, but yesterday was his ACTUAL birthday - steak. potatoes. cesar salad... birthday cake & ice cream. Yup.

Did I mention I also didn't exercise ALL week??

I didn't plan to weigh in this morning. My morbid curiosity got the better of me. I FULLY expected to have gained the meager few pounds I had managed to lose.

Result? I LOST 1.5 pounds!! The most 1 week loss I have had since I STARTED this whole thing!! Seriously?!?! It's enough to make a person go crazy.

I will take it - and from here on out, I am having a different approach. I think I did too much too fast. I'm going to mellow out a bit. Not so much pressure. Take it down a notch so to speak.

It seems to be the only way my body responds. Slow & steady.

Lame.