Days like today...

Happy Birthday, Averie!! Yay! I am SO excited for my little girl. This is the first year she has REALLY "gotten" the concept of "birthday" - and has been on pins & needles waiting to be 5. She is ecstatic to go to kindergarten & I am excited for her... really!... I am...

Days like today are strange for me. I'm not sad... sad is not the right word. I have LOVED getting to know my sweet girl these past five years & I love each stage more than the next. I loved her as a baby, but I love her more now... so I don't wish she was still a baby... but...

My mind has been flooded all day with memories... my pregnancy with her, labor (my ONLY labor, I might add :)) & delivery, adjusting to motherhood, all her "firsts" - smiles, giggles, food, teeth, illnesses, owies...

Because she's my first, she has taught me a lot about myself, too. How to trust my instincts - my "mom gut" I like to call it, how to be the mom I really want to be...

On days like today I feel emotional. Like tears are always close to the surface, but it's not because I'm sad... I feel a little fearful I think... I have this feeling like I'm running to catch up with time & all life's distractions are making me lag behind. It's so hard to be living "in the moment" when I'm lagging behind...

Days like today make me feel a little frustrated. I wish I was able to spend all day everyday playing, making memories with, being happy with & ENJOYING my children... what could possibly be more important, right? Yet there are so many distractions... house keeping, earning money, tiredness... none of which really matter in the long run. I know eventually my house will be easier to maintain & I'll get full nights sleep most nights... but it's so easy to lose that time.

On days like today I feel the briefness of it all. I can close my eyes & be transported back in time 5 years, like it was yesterday - and here she is... a big girl... ready to make her own friends & begin her own life...
It feels like I blinked my eyes & here we are...

On days like today, I fear I'm missing it. Too distracted & not enjoying her enough. Not taking the time to be in HER world enough. I need to get on the floor more. Color more, play Barbies more, play on the playground more...

On days like today, I fear regret. I fear looking back when my children are grown & regretting that I didn't take the time to enjoy it.

Today is the time. My babies are growing... & I don't want to miss a MINUTE of it!

On days like today, I am excited for the future! For the young woman my daughter will become & for all the fun we will have together.

On days like to today, I am grateful for the reminder that time passes quickly & we have to fight the distractions &... JUST BREATHE... take it all in and enjoy every minute of it!

I know I have so far...